Healing Trauma

The cycle that keeps coming back…

It happened so long ago.
It happened last week.

Whatever! Why am I not over it yet?

Like, it’s so stupid.
Okay, so maybe that part isn’t stupid, but why can’t I just get on with it? It’s in the past!

Nobody has a corner on what constitutes trauma.

Trauma = whatever causes the Nervous System to Shut Down.
Trauma = whatever causes the Mind to keep Looping.
Trauma = whatever causes Constriction in the Heart.

Feeling stuck for “No Real Reason”…

We can intellectualize trauma with our rational mind – really feel as if we understand it – and still, nothing seems to change.

We can go through the same mind loops, role play, dialogue, write letters and burn the evidence. Nothing.

Okay, well, maybe some new insight and clarity appear – perhaps – but when push comes to shove, THERE IT IS AGAIN. And we wonder if we weren’t just right back to where we started.

Unlocking and unblocking the body is the key to trauma recovery.

Trauma (literally) lodges into the cells of your body.

There is something called the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis at the juncture between the central nervous and endocrine systems. Stay with me… that’s where the body gets involved. So, something overstimulating in the outside world happens, and you go into:

• Fight (f*ck you!)
• Flight (I’m outta here)
• Freeze (I feel as if I can’t move) and/or
• Fawn (Whose butt can I kiss to get out of this situation?)

Which one you pick depends on a variety of things but – right now – all that matters with this trauma piece is that you did, indeed, pick one. And that’s a lot for the body.

That’s the body going into survival mode. The hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis gets involved. That means that your body is secreting stress hormones and busy protecting you AND is unavailable – at that moment – to do the thing you would need it to do to properly process the experience: to fully feel the feelings accompanied with the experience and integrate the material within the rational mind.

And where do you think all that unprocessed junk and gunk of material lives when not processed properly?

That’s right – in the body.

Enter competent trauma therapy.

We know that “talking about the trauma” can only get you so far and may actually make things worse.

We know that you need safety and trust established to be willing to access the trauma and feel all the things that were too scary/intimidating/upsetting to experience in the moment.

We know to establish this kind of rapport takes time.

Your body will be our roadmap.

I’ve spent SO MUCH time watching people hang their heads in shame, tense their jaws in fear, and tap their hands rhythmically to self-soothe.

It got me wondering: Where would we be if we recognized the body’s AGENCY, letting it be our guide to identifying and healing trauma?

If we’re to feel at home in our bodies, we must respect the wisdom contained therein.

The body doesn’t lie.

It can be stifled, sure.

It can be subdued.

It can certainly be diminished, misused, and unacknowledged…

Ignored, hated, and minimized…

Yet the body goes on, recording information… and whispering (or screaming!) back to us.

Every time I think about X, my shoulders seem so heavy now.

This pain just brings about so much tightness in my chest that it’s hard to breathe.

When I think about so-and-so and all the sh*t they put me through, I can’t even feel that I have a body at all.

We must also realize that trauma happens (and heals) in RELATIONSHIP.

Whether it’s a person yelling obscenities, breaking furniture, or violating our bodies sexually, the transgression happens in relationship to someone else.

Whether it’s flooding, fires, or high winds, our fear is rooted in our relationship to the environment around us.

When we get that the pain occurred in relationship to something/someone else, we often have unlocked a key to the healing.

The domestic abuse survivor who has sworn off relationships entirely finds new life when she does enough inner healing to start attracting healthier mates. The new novel and healthier interpersonal interactions begin providing her brain with new information: perhaps she can have a relationship again. The new information provides hope and allows the healthier interactions to provide a panacea to soothe the old wounding. In effect, she allows herself not to stay stuck by being open to the possibility of being in relationship with a healthier person/place/situation/circumstance.

The workaholic who hides behind promotions, company dinners, and deadlines to avoid personal intimacy at all costs examines his fears and reveals an avoidance pattern rooted in childhood, with absent parents who worked multiple jobs just to get by. There was no interpersonal modeling in childhood, and he feels “too behind” as an adult to learn the skills now. Eventually, enough isolation and loneliness drive him to take small interpersonal risks in being in relationship to another potential love interest. And the small successes provide the training ground necessary to create enough traction to allow the man more possibilities in creating a richer, more meaningful life.

Let’s get two things straight from the get-go…

You are NOT too much.

And you are NOT broken.

Breaking apart, maybe… but not broken.

Hurting…

In an excruciating amount of pain (perhaps)…

But not broken.

Picture your life as a beautiful glass ornament. Trauma is like dropping that delicate ornament to the ground, shattering it into a million pieces.

The construct of perfection – of what we were “supposed to have” in life may be broken… but don’t make the mistake of thinking that YOU are broken. It’s easy to confuse the two, but it’s dangerous.

Your scars do NOT define you. Besides, those scars are hardly less-than-beautiful. After all, they set the stage for the medicine you’ll bring into the world!

I’m afraid this won’t be an easy road.

You’re going to have all kinds of emotions…

The whole rollercoaster of what’s possible for humans to experience. And yet, when processing the pain linked with trauma, two emotions ALWAYS surface:

Anger and…

Grief (which is ALWAYS) beneath the anger, if you dig deep enough.

Working with me, here is what will be in your arsenal: Safe container, grounding, and resourcing skills so that you feel competent and ready to do the heavy work, psychoeducation around trauma and managing emotions, and practices to safely process and release intense feelings and experiences.

“Why do you want to work with GRIEF, Lauren? It seems so… intense.”

Yes.

“And heavy.”

Yes.

“And uncomfortable.”

Yes. Are you coming to a point here?

“Why would you put yourself through… all that?”

It’s one of the fastest ways to transform toward Love.

This journey will take time, patience, and skill…

But I’m here for you… and I’m here for all of it.

Let’s metabolize your life…

Let me seduce you into doing your shadow work…

Let’s create an opportunity for you to reconnect to your body…

You can do this! Reach out today for your free consultation: (402) 937-0027.